Anger Humour

ANGER
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean." With that the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"

"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...." The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father.

"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got a lot of nerve calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means." He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!" the father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"


A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!" Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!" Still nothing.....and the train was just seconds away! He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and kissing women." Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed!...

... He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."


A young boy went to his father and asked: "Why do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"

His father thought for a minute and said: "Son, they don't, some start with 'If I am elected, I promise...' and others start with 'I promise that if I am elected...'"

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Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.
One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"

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80-year old Metzenbaum invested in one of those tiny hearing aids to correct his hearing loss. On his next visit to the doctor, he asked, "Well, how do you like your hearing aid?"
"I love it. I am hearing sounds that I didn't know existed."
"I'm sure your family loves it too!"
"Well, I haven't told them yet. And, am I having a great time! I've changed my will three times in the last two months."
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A group of men are sitting in a sauna discussing business and stocks when suddenly a cellular phone rings.
"Hi honey, are you at the club?"
"Yes, dear."
"Honey you won't believe this but I'm standing in front of Giovannis and there's a beautiful mink on sale in the window."
"How much is it, dear?"
"They're giving it away. Only $5000. Can you believe it?"
"But you already have fur coats?"
"Please dear it's absolutely exquisite!"
"Fine, fine go ahead and buy it!"
"Thank you sweetheart. Oh, not to keep you much longer, I passed by the Mercedes dealership this morning and saw their new convertible. It was to die for! I talked to the salesman and the one in the showroom is brand new, leather seats, power everything, gold coloured. What do you think??"
"Honey, come on, we already have cars!"
"You promised me that I could get a convertible!"
"How much is it?"
"You won't believe it but he said he'd let us have it for $85,000 fully loaded with all the options!!!"
"OK, OK, go ahead and purchase it!"
"I love you, you're the best husband a wife could ask for. I hope I'm not pushing it, but remember our trip we took to Paris? Remember the Brown's place with the swimming pool, tennis courts? It's on the market to be sold. I saw it this morning at the Real Estate agency. If we bought it we would have a perfect place to stay during the cold winter months!!!"
"I had actually thought about it. You say it's on the market?"
"Really, you were actually thinking about it? Can I go make an offer on it? You know it's not listed very high, and It would be perfect for our type of lifestyle!!"
"How much is it listed at?"
"Only $425,000 sweetheart. It's a steal!"
"I guess we've got money put away. Go ahead and make an offer but no more than $415,000."
"This is turning out to be a great day! Can't wait to see you later tonight to celebrate!!!"
"See you tonight dear."
The man hangs up the cellular phone and asks, "So, who's phone is this?"

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Charlie and Nancy had quarreled. After their supper Mother tried to
re-establish friendly relations. She told them of the Bible verse, “Let
not the sun go down upon your wrath.”

“Now, Charlie,” she pleaded, “are you going to let the sun go down on
your wrath?”

Charlie squirmed a little. Then:

“Well, how can _I_ stop it?”

When a husband loses his temper he usually finds his wife’s.

It is easy enough to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is the
bigger.