University Humour

University Jokes

You Know You're a College Student When ...

1. Going to the library is a social event.

2. You play the lottery to ensure housing, not win money.

3. No matter what ails you, the nurse can only give you generic
non-aspirin.

4. You need a map to find your classroom.

5. You're grateful that the cafeteria labels the food.

6. It's not unusual to see four feet in the next shower stall.

7. You plan your schedule to have Fridays off.

8. You wear flip-flops in the shower, to avoid the mysterious
creeping crud.

9. You pay outrageous prices for books that are worthless to you
after four months.

[Editor's Note: And you know you're a college *graduate* when you
wish you had those books *back*. ]

10. The word rush does not mean to be in a hurry.

11. You buy enough underwear to last five weeks so you do not have
to wash your clothes often.

12. You're willing to pay extra for edible food.


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University Light Bulb Jokes

How many Queen's students does it take to change a lightbulb?
1, but it never really gets done. He holds the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many Ryerson students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question. Ryerson isn't a real university.

How many Lakehead students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Thunder Bay doesn't have electricity.

How many U of T students does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many Algonquin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only 1. But he gets 6 credits for it.

How many Laurentian students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Sudbury looks better in the dark.

How many Waterloo students does it take to change a lightbulb?
5. One to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out How to power the rest of Waterloo using that nuclear-lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.

How many Western students does it to change a lightbulb?
5. One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect JCREW outfit to wear for the occasion.

How many McMaster students does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly How he did it as well as any Queen's student.

How many Carleton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to change the bulb and one to complain about How, if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn't go out

How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. But SHE can't do it on Friday night.

How many Brock students does it take to change a lightbulb?
7. One to change the bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.

How many Guelph students does it take to change a lightbulb?
7. One to screw it in and 6 to figure out How to power it on manure.

How many Mt.Allison students does it take to change a lightbulb?
5. One to do it and 4 to be in the Macleans photo of it.

How many UVic students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Llava lamps don't burn out man!

How many UBC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
4. One to do it and three to translate the instructions.

How many Laurier students does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them. They make it a campus affair.

How many University of Manitoba students does it take to change a lightbulb?
There's a university in Manitoba?

How many York University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
3. One to take directions from the science student, the science student and one to philosophise about life as a lightbulb.

How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1. She screws everything why not a light bulb?