Football Humour

A Voice in the Darkness
The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in
a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over
the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From
the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "The Seattle Seahawks
are Super Bowl contenders."
Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey's
survived!"


It's a Wonder
Why do SanDiego Chargers players keep their Wonderlic results on their
dash boards? So they can park in the handicap spaces.


Kissin' Cousins
What do you get when you put the girlfriends of a dozen Tennessee
Titans fans in one room?

A full set of teeth!


Grounded
Why did the NY Jets players miss their flight for the big game?
They were stuck on a broken escalator!

Hit and Run
If you see a Oakland Raiders fan on a bike, why should you not swerve
to hit him?
It could be your bike.

A Day at the Beach
What do you get if you see a New England Patriots fan buried up to his
neck in sand?
More sand!

No Way Out
You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion,
and a fan of Denver Broncos. You have a gun with two bullets. What
should you do?
Shoot the Bronco’s fan… twice.

On the Bright Side
What do you call a Buffalo Bill’s fan with half a brain?
Gifted!


Playing Possum
Why the Arizona Cardinals are like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.


Licking the Problem
What did the average Sanfransico 49er player get on his Wonderlic
test?
Drool!

Higher Education
What does the N stand for on the sides of the nebraska football helmets?
Knowledge!


Low Blow

Q : What's the best way to circumsize a Virginia Tech fan?

A : Kick his sister in the chin.


Southern Fun

Q : Why do Miami Cheerleaders wear panties?

A : To keep their ankles warm.


Safety First

Q: How do Seminoles practice safe sex?

A: They get rid of all the animals that kick.


Efficiency

Why did UT choose Orange for the team color?

So the fans could wear it on Saturday to the game, on Sunday to go

hunting, and the rest of the week picking up garbage on the highways.


Differences

Q. What's the difference between a winning Raiders team and a UFO?

A. Someone has seen a UFO.


Shiney Ring

Q. What do you call a Cleveland Brown with a Super Bowl ring?

A. A thief


Desire

Q. Why doesn't Columbus, Ohio have a professional football team?

A. Because then Cleveland would want one.


Field Location

Q. What do you call Bears quarterback on the Colts' 10-yard line?

A. Lost


More Differences

What's the difference between a Raiders fan and a Chimp?

Ones hairy, stupid and smells, and the other is a Chimpanzee.


Lights Out

How do you knock out a Raiders fan when he's been drinking?

Slam the toilet seat on his head.


Similarities

What do Raiders fans and laxatives have in common?

Both irritate the absolute crap out of you.


Employment

What do you say to a Raiders fan with a job?

"I'll have a Big Mac, fries and a coke, please."


Time for change

Q: What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?

A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.


Weather
Q: Where do you go in Philadelphia in case of a tornado?

A: To the Linc - they never have a touchdown there!


What tea do footballers drink ?
Penaltea !

Where do footballers dance ?
At a football !

What did the bumble bee striker say ?
Hive scored !

What is black and white and black and white and black and white ?
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill !

What are Brazilian fans called ?
Brazil nuts !

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ?
He was the skipper !

What lights up a football stadium ?
A football match !

If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls ?
Cornflakes !

Which football team loves ice-cream ?
Aston Vanilla !

What is a goal keepers favourite snack ?
Beans on post !